It was a few years ago now. I was getting ready for bed and my phone started buzzing. I knew who it was. Every night after bed checks at MLS the boys would text me. Typically, they would text me about a Latin test that was unreasonably difficult or text me about how they played in a football game, sometimes they would text me about a girl. Most of the things they texted me were insignificant, meaningless things, but I didn’t care, I just loved hearing from them. So, I eagerly reached for my phone.
Now, I don’t remember the details of 95% of the things we texted about over the years. But this text thread is one I will always remember. The first text came from Jacob. Jacob is a fine student, but he was frustrated that he was not doing better in the classroom. He texted that he wished he were more like his brother Aidan. (Aidan has always done well academically.). I started to text a response but before I could respond, another text came through. This second text was from Aidan. Adan is a fine athlete, but he was frustrated that he was not doing better on the field. He texted that he wished he was more like his brother Jacob. (Jacob has been blessed with some athletic ability.). My thumbs hovered over the phone for a few moments as I thought about the best way to encourage these two young men. I thought about what a compassionate father might text, how a loving and understanding father might respond. I finally decided to combine the two threads together and this is what I texted them both at the same time, “you two are being idiots. You are both texting me at the same time how you wish you were more like your brother. Stop acting like morons and be thankful for the men that God has made you to be.” I don’t believe I have a reputation among my children for being an overly sympathetic father.
I tell that story not to embarrass my sons. Quite the contrary. I tell that story because, that night I learned a valuable lesson from my son’s sibling rivalry. You see, sometimes I can be an idiot and often I act like a bigger moron than my sons. I understand their sibling rivalry because I feel the same way about my brothers, my brothers in the ministry that is. Countless times I have texted my heavenly Father wishing I were more like my brothers. I wish I was as smart as pastor Schroeder. I wish I was as patient as pastor Scharf. I wish I was as generous as pastor Kober. I wish I was as positive as pastor Kratz. I wish I was pastor Westra. I have no idea what my brothers in the ministry are texting our heavenly Father but after getting those texts from Jacob and Aidan, I would not be at all surprised to learn that they were at least wishing they could be more like pastor Westra. Whenever I am being an idiot about my brothers in the ministry, I think of the text exchange I had with my sons that night and tell myself to stop acting like a moron and be thankful for the man God has made me to be.
Sibling rivalry is almost as old as sin. The first recorded instance of sibling rivalry is found eight verses after Adam and Eve are expelled from the garden of Eden. Today we are not going to go quite that far back in history. We are going to go back about 4,000 years and take a closer look at Joseph and his brothers. The sibling rivalry between these brothers is legendary.
Let’s start at the end of our account. The brothers callously eat their lunch as the terrified screams of Joseph fill their ears. “He is lucky to be alive”, they reason. If it were not for the oldest brother, Reuben interceding on Joseph’s behalf, the other brothers would have already slit his throat. That was their original plan. They said to each other. “20 Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him.” Reuben convinced them to throw Joseph into an empty cistern instead. Cisterns were commonly used in ancient Canaan to collect water during the rainy season. To minimize evaporation, they were often bell-shaped with the opening no larger than a man’s shoulders. Being thrown into a cistern was better than death but still not a pleasant place to be.
As the brothers fill their stomachs and Joseph screams himself hoarse, a caravan from Gilead approaches. “25 Their camels were loaded with spices, balm and myrrh, and they were on their way to take them down to Egypt.” One of the brothers, Judah has an idea. “26… What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood?” he asks, “27 let’s sell him” instead. And sell him they did, for the discounted price of $320 the brothers sold Joseph into slavery. I imagine the brothers laughed as Joseph tried to convince the traders that he was not a slave but rather the son of a wealthy businessman. I imagine the thought of their brother’s suffering gave them no small amount of satisfaction as they made their way back home.
However, their satisfaction was short lived. Blinded by their hatred for their brother they had not stopped to think how their actions would affect their beloved father, Jacob. They lead Jacob to believe that Joseph had been devoured by a ferocious animal. Having been convinced of their story, Jacob tears his clothes, puts on sackcloth and mourns for his son Joseph. It must have been agonizing to see their father this way and know that they were the ones who had caused his grief. “35 All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “No,” he said, “in mourning will I go down to the grave to my son.” So his father [Jacob] wept for him [Joseph].” This is how it would be for the brothers for the next twenty-some-odd years. Guilt ate away at them for what they had done to their brother, but shame prevented them from telling their father the truth. As a result, the brothers spent day after day, week after week, year after year, decade after decade haunted by what they had done to Joseph.
How did this family of faith get to this level of dysfunction? They are after all children of the promise. These brothers had not grown up like savages, or like the heathens; they had grown up listening to stories about their great grandfather Abraham. They heard how the LORD promised to bless all peoples on earth through Abraham’s family. They knew theirs was the family through whom the Savior of the world would come. This is a family of faith not all that unlike yours or mine. They believed in the promise of a Savior just as much as you and I do. So, how then did they become so dysfunctional? Let’s take a look at the beginning of the account and see what we can learn.
The first thing I think you will notice is what a jerk Joseph is. Now, I should tell you, my evaluation of Joseph seems to contradict the evaluation of Professor John Jeske, the former chairman of the Old Testament Department at Wisconsin Lutheran Seminary. Joseph strikes Professor Jeske as a young man of exceptional ability and talent and with that I do not disagree. But where professor Jeske sees a young man of high moral principle, I see a tattle tale. Take a look at how the account of Joseph and his brothers begins. In verse 2 Moses writes, “Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them.” Now I might be projecting my own sinfulness onto Joseph but, having once been a young man of seventeen myself, I think it more likely that Joseph is tattling on his brothers. I think Joseph knows that he is his father’s favorite son and he is trying to use this bad report about them to justify his position of privilege. I am not saying what the brothers did to Joseph was right, but I think you can understand why they would not like him spying on them. At least that is what it probably felt like when Joseph showed up in the field that day, and to be honest, that is what it kind of seems like he was doing. In verse 14 Jacob says to Joseph, “Go and see if all is well with your brothers and with the flocks, and bring word back to me.” Again, I might be projecting but Joseph seems to be acting like a jerk.
Even if I have misjudged Joseph as a tattle tale, most commentators would agree that Joseph is insensitive. In a dream God shows Joseph a future in which Joseph is elevated above all his brothers. It is possible that Joseph was so naïve that he did not think his brothers would mind hearing about how they would one day bow down to him. However, when they said to him, “8… Do you intend to reign over us? Will you actually rule us?”, he must have sensed their hostility. I am not saying the brothers were right to hate him, but after having a second dream Joseph went to his brothers and said, “9… listen, I had another dream” and then he proceeded to tell them a second time how they would all bow down to him, you kind of see where the brothers are coming from. Professor Jeske says Joseph was being insensitive. I am a little more crass. I think Joseph was being a jerk.
There is a lesson to learn here, is there not? The lesson is, don’t be a jerk. There was nothing wrong with Joseph being blessed by God the way he was. And there is nothing wrong with you being blessed by God the way you are. There is nothing wrong with you being artistic, athletic, musical, intellectual, humorous, generous, savvy, or sophisticated. If the good Lord has seen fit to give you gifts that others do not possess, God be praised. You do not have to be ashamed of your gifts, you do not have to hide them, or apologize for them. Rather, you should be happy about the gifts that God gives you, praise Him for them, and use them to His glory. Just don’t be a jerk about it. Don’t rub the fact that God has given you a gift that others do not have in the face of your brothers and sisters. Have some humility, be a little sensitive, exercise a little tact. Otherwise you might be held responsible for the jealousy that fills them.
Jealousy is how the brothers responded to Joseph being a jerk. They were jealous of Joseph’s blessings; jealous of the richly ornamented robe given to him by their father and jealous of the dreams given him by their God. The brothers were jealous of Joseph. I don’t think we respect jealousy enough. I don’t think we recognize what a powerful force for evil jealousy can be. We use words like “petty” to describe jealousy and we dismiss jealousy like it’s an irrational emotion saying, “your just jealous”, but jealousy is dangerous, and it can be deadly. Look at what jealousy did to the brothers. It caused them to hate Joseph. In verses 5 and 8 we read the chilling phrase “they hated him all the more”. Hatred not only infested the thoughts they had about their brother it contaminated the words they spoke about him “19 Here comes that dreamer!” they said to each other.” Eventually the brothers’ hatred took control of their actions and they came dangerously close to murder. In fact, Jesus would say they did murder him for “anyone who hates his brother is a murderer.”[1]
Do not be naïve my brothers and sisters. Jealousy is a powerful force for evil. It is dangerous and it is deadly. When you think about the talents and abilities of your brothers and sisters; see all the wonderful ways that God has blessed them and you start to feel jealousy grabbing hold of you, run away. Run fast and run far. Run to the giver of all good gifts and pray that He will deliver you from this temptation. Take it from Joseph’s brothers, jealousy will bring you nothing but guilt and shame.
For twenty some odd years Joseph suffered the consequences of being a jerk and the brothers suffered the guilt of their jealousy. But even in the midst of their dysfunction our God of grace was at work. We get a hint of His work in verse 36. There we read the word “Meanwhile”. While Joseph and his dysfunctional brothers were suffering the consequences of their sibling rivalry, “Meanwhile” our God of grace was busy planning their and our salvation. Joseph’s path was plotted out in such a way that he would become the second most powerful man in the world. Because of Joseph the sons of Jacob were welcomed in Egypt and delivered from a devastating famine that swept the land. There Joseph and his brothers; the descendants of Abraham would become the nation of Israel. And from that nation would come a virgin born brother who would save us all. Though He was without a doubt the most talented and gifted man who has ever walked the face of the earth, this Brother was not a jerk who flaunted His talents and abilities before others. Though He deserved the praise the pharisees enjoyed and the power that Pilate wielded, this Brother did not allow jealousy to grab hold of Him. This Brother functioned as God intended all brothers and sisters to function. This Brother then went to the cross to suffer for every single time you have acted like a jerk. This Brother gave up His last breath to pay for your every sin of jealousy. Even in the midst of our dysfunction our God of grace is at work.
My sons don’t text me as much as they used too. It is possible they are sick of me calling them names, but I choose to believe it is because they don’t need me as much as they used too. I do pray they learned the lesson I was trying to teach them that night, I pray I learned the lesson I was trying to teach, and I pray you learn it as well. From Joseph and his brothers, I pray that we all learn how to be humble about the gifts that God gives to us and at the same time learn how to appreciate the gifts He gives to others. I pray we stop acting like morons and be thankful for the people God has made us to be. I pray we learn how to be functional siblings. Amen
[1] 1 John 3:15