When I was a young man, life was simple. For the most part I did what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. I was free, at least that is how I felt. It felt like no one was watching me, no one was depending on me, no one was learning from me. If I wanted to get a tattoo, I didn’t have to worry about what kind of example I was setting. If I wanted to go skydiving, I didn’t have to worry about people living off my life insurance. When I was a young man, I could say things like, “hold my beer and watch this!”
When I was a young man, life was simple. However, I am no longer a young man. I mean I still feel like I am, but the bald spot on my head, grey whiskers in my beard, and spare tire around my waist do seem to suggest otherwise. I am no longer a young man, now I am the man who is trying to raise young men. The good Lord has given me three sons. Three sons who watch me, depend on me, and learn from me. My life is a great deal more complicated than it used to be.
Those of you who are parents, or who have become parental figures to someone else’s child know what I mean. From the moment the good Lord blessed you with children, your life became complicated. You are now responsible for another life. You can’t just go do what you what to do when you want to do it. You have to first pack a diaper bag, or arrange for a baby sitter, or lock the liquor cabinet. As a parent, you know your children are watching to see how you will react in different situations, they are depending on you for house and home, food and clothing, and from you, they are learning behaviors, forming habits, and adopting lifestyles. Being a parent is a big responsibility. A responsibility that frankly we don’t always meet and when a parent fails to meet their responsibilities the family becomes dysfunctional.
Last Sunday we started a sermon series on dysfunctional families of faith. We started with a rather broad definition of what it means to be dysfunctional. In short, a dysfunctional family is one that is not doing what it was designed by God to do. A characteristic that occurs in nearly every dysfunctional family is unequal or unfair treatment of one or more of the family members due to their birth order, gender, or abilities. Whether it be special treatment of the oldest child, neglect of the middle child, or coddling of the youngest child, favoritism in a family prevents that family from functioning as God intended.
Parents play a large role in what causes a family to be dysfunctional. God's dysfunctional children Adam and Eve who we identified with last week, had children in their own image and in their own likeness. In other words, they had dysfunctional children. Shock and surprise, those dysfunctional children grew up to be dysfunctional parents. Today we are going to see a pair of dysfunctional parents in action. We are going to see how the favoritism of Isaac and Rebekah for their sons Jacob and Esau created dysfunction in their family. But once again we are also going to see how in the midst of this dysfunction the Lord continues to function as our God of grace.
Isaac is the favorite son of his father Abraham. His father sent his servants to find a woman who believed in the one true God for his favorite son. By the Lord’s guidance the servant found Rebekah. Rebekah and Isaac were married, and they loved each other very much. But sadly after 20 years of marriage, Isaac and Rebekah still had no children. And so, they prayed that God would bless them. The Lord answered their prayer and Rebekah became pregnant with twin boys. While she was still pregnant a prophecy was made about her children. “Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger.”[1] When the boys were born, they named them Esau and Jacob. Esau the oldest, was an outgoing kid. He liked to hunt and be outside. Jacob on the other hand was a quiet kid, a homebody who liked to help out around the house. The boys were different, different personalities and different abilities, different interests. One liked to hunt animals the other liked to cook them. Their differences could have united them as a team, but sadly their parent’s dysfunction used their differences to cause division among them. In Genesis 25:28 we read, "Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.”
Over the years I imagine momma and daddy discussed what the prophecy concerning their two sons meant. Rebekah no doubt was thrilled that her favorite son Jacob was to receive the blessing that was normally reserved for the older brother. However, Isaac blinded by his favoritism for his son Esau intended to give the blessing to his older son and not Jacob. A disagreement between momma and daddy is not necessarily dysfunctional behavior. In fact, disagreements between husband and wife can often be a healthy thing. Let me be clear, that Isaac and Rebekah disagreed is not dysfunctional. The way that they sought to settle the disagreement, however, is.
You heard the story as I read it earlier. Blinded by his favoritism for his older son Esau, Isaac said, “2… I am now an old man and don’t know the day of my death. 3 Now then, get your weapons—your quiver and bow—and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. 4 Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.” And blinded by her favoritism for her younger son Jacob, Rebekah said, “9 Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. 10 Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.” Well, as you can plainly see, their favoritism has brought deception, dishonesty, fraud, and trickery into their family. Blinded by favoritism for their children these parents, these Christian people, this husband and wife who otherwise love each other very much have become dysfunctional.
Let’s start with Rebekah. Rebekah’s dysfunction stems from the lack of respect she has for her husband. Not only is she unsupportive of her husband, but she also tries to undermine his decision. She does not talk with him, she does not reason with him; instead she lies to him, she deceives him. She takes it upon herself to change his decision and in so doing she Rebekah undercuts him and dismisses his authority. In short, Rebekah loves her favorite son more than she respects her husband.
What kind of a woman does this? I suppose the kind of woman who speaks poorly of her husband in front of the children so that they think their daddy is an incompetent fool. Perhaps the kind of woman who does not support the decisions the daddy makes for the family. Maybe the kind of woman who tells her children “yes” after their father has said “no”. Ladies, do you see that kind of woman inside of you? Do you know what a husband wants more than anything else from his wife? More than romance, more than a fancy dinner, more than an expensive present, …he wants respect. He wants to feel and be respected by you. You see a daddy can deal with a great deal of disrespect from people he works with, associates with, and even from the children he is raising as long as the person that means the most to him, the person that he values more than anyone else, the person that he loves, as long as you… respect him. That is why God says in Ephesians 5:33 that a functional mother “must respect her husband.”
Rebekah’s favoritism for her son caused her to stop functioning as a Godly parent. But she is not the only dysfunctional parent in our lesson for today. Isaac is just as dysfunctional as Rebekah. Like Rebekah his dysfunction stems from a lack of respect, except his disrespect is for his God. Isaac had so little respect for God that he sought to undermine God’s decision to give Jacob the blessing instead of Esau. He took the authority upon himself to decide that God was wrong when it came to his favorite son. Isaac does not honor God, he does not obey God; he ignores God, he rebels against God. In short, Isaac loves his favorite son more than he respects God.
What kind of man does this? I suppose the kind of man who hears God say in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” but still speaks to his children harshly and causes them to cower in his presence. Perhaps the kind of man who dumps all the responsibility of disciplining the children on the momma. Maybe the kind of man who fails to be a Christian example and spiritual leader for his family. Gentlemen, do you see that kind of man inside of you? You know, if the daddy wants the momma to respect him, he needs to be respectable. He needs to be the kind of parent that God has asked him to be.
Favoritism caused this family of faith to malfunction. And, as we are going to see next week, dysfunctional parents tend to raise dysfunctional siblings. But amazingly, while the sin of Isaac and Rebekah has consequences, it does not result in everlasting punishment. Because you see in the midst of this dysfunctional family is our functional God of grace. We see our God of grace in the blessing that Isaac and Rebekah were fighting over. The blessing was not just about wealth and power for Jacob or Esau. The blessing contained God’s promise of a savior for mankind. Jacob, like his father Isaac and his grandfather Abraham would be an ancestor of Jesus Christ, the Son of God and the son of man who came to make the family of faith functional again. The blessing was a promise that Jesus would live a perfect life in place of dysfunctional parents by respecting God the Father’s decision to not let the cup be passed from him. The blessing was a promise that Jesus would die on the cross in place of dysfunction parents and thereby pay for their sins.
Now, think that through for just a moment. We are all children of the heavenly Father. He loves every single one of us. But, if ever there was a child that deserved the favoritism of a parent, it was Jesus. Out of all of God’s children Jesus stands out. As the only perfect child of God we would completely understand if the heavenly Father showed favoritism to Jesus, but He didn’t. The heavenly Father did not show favoritism to His one and only functional child, rather He allowed His one and only functional child to suffer for all His dysfunctional children. This is good news for families of faith where parents struggle to function as God intended. Mothers and fathers, whatever your failures as a parent might be, because of Jesus, God your heavenly Father forgives you.
When I was a young man, life was simple, but I am no longer a young man. These days I have people watching me, depending on me, and learning from me. I, like many of you sitting here this morning, have been tasked with the responsibility of being a parent, and honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Those of you who are parents and those of you who have taken on the responsibility of parenthood for someone else’s child know what I mean. Being an instrument that God uses to train up a child in the way they should go; watching them learn how to walk and talk, seeing them develop skills and abilities, observing as they become productive members of society and servants of the church is one of the great joys of life.
Let us show our heavenly Father some gratitude for giving us this responsibility and blessing. Having been forgiven our dysfunctions, let us now strive to be the kind of parent’s God designed us to be. Let us treat all of our children fairly and love them all equally. Let us be examples of godly living, dependable sources of support, and teachers of the way they should go. Let us strive to be functional parents to all the children entrusted to our care. To the glory of our heavenly Father and for the good of all His children. Amen.
[1] Genesis 25:23