On March 21, 1981, President Ronald Reagan visited Ford's Theatre in Washington, D.C. with his wife Nancy for a fundraising event. He recalled, "I looked up at the presidential box above the stage where Abe Lincoln had been sitting the night he was shot and felt a curious sensation ... I thought that even with all the Secret Service protection we now had, it was probably still possible for someone who had enough determination to get close enough to the president to shoot him.” Nine days later Regan’s “curious sensation” became a horrific reality.
John Hinkley had become obsessed with actress Jodie Foster. Suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder and delusions of grandeur, Hinkley reasoned that he could win the affections of the actress if he could just get her attention. On March 30th, 1981, President Regan had just finished a speaking engagement at the Washington Hilton Hotel. While the secret service had made the president wear a bullet proof vest on other occasions, Regan did not wear one for this event as the president’s only public exposure would be the thirty feet between the Hotel and limousine. It was a near fatal decision. In that space of thirty feet, a crowd of admirers had gathered, among them was John Hinkley. When president Regan passed in front of him, Hinkley pulled out a .22 revolver and fired six shots at the president. The first five shots missed their mark wounding the press secretary, a policeman, and a secret service agent. The sixth and final shot, however, ricocheted of the armored side of the limousine and hit the president under his left arm and became lodged in his lung, 1 inch from his heart. If not for the bravery of the secret service agents and the skill of the physicians, President Regan would have died that day.
Two years later President Regan spoke with the Dr. Peele, the head of psychiatry at St Elizabeth’s Hospital, the mental institute where Hinkley had been confined. Regan told Peele that he wished to forgive Hinkley, saying that he wanted to pardon the young man, not legally but “personally” and “privately”. There were many who could not understand why the president wanted to forgive the very man who tried to kill him. I was one of them.
As a young man full of two parts testosterone and one part ignorance I thought the president was weak. I thought he was letting Hinkley off the hook too easily. I thought he should have had Hinkley executed. Now, thirty years later, as a middle-aged man full of two parts regret and one part humility I have changed my mind about President Regan’s desire to forgive. Now I recognize how much strength it takes to forgive and find myself wishing I wasn’t so weak. Do you know what I mean? Don’t you wish you were better at overlooking an insult? Don’t you wish you weren’t so easy to offend? Don’t you wish you didn’t take so many things personally? Don’t you wish your mind never filled with thoughts of revenge? Don’t you wish you weren’t so good at holding a grudge? Don’t you wish you were, when people sin against you, it wasn’t such a struggle for you to say, “I forgive you”?
Paul’s letter to Philemon can help make that wish come true. Philemon has been described as “the most gentlemanly letter ever written.” Anyone who takes just a few minutes to read through this 25-verse epistle will be impressed by the tact and diplomacy with which Paul writes to his friend Philemon. The letter revolves around one major item of business: a special request from Paul to Philemon to forgive a runaway slave named Onesimus.
Before we examine Paul’s reasoning for such a request, we need to unpack some of our cultural baggage. Slavery for us is so closely associated with racism that it is hard for us to get past it. We automatically want to assume that Philemon is a racist and that Paul is a jerk for sending Onesimus back to him. To understand this text, we need to understand that slavery was not always associated with racism. Slavery was widespread in the ancient near east. 2,000 years ago, slavery was so extensive that it has been estimated one out of every two people was a slave. Apart from captives of war, slavery was mostly voluntary. It was a means of escaping poverty and starvation. To pay off a debt a person would sell themselves into slavery for three or six years. During that time, they would exchange hard manual labor for a secure existence where room and board and the other necessities of life were provided. Slavery, in the early Christian period, had nothing to do with racism, it was a business relationship not all that different than employer and employee relationships today.
But it was a business relationship that went bad for Philemon and Onesimus. We have absolutely no reason to suspect that Philemon was anything but a good Master. Rather, the fault was with Onesimus. We are not given the details, but consider what Paul writes about Onesimus in verse 18 “If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me.” It seems as though Onesimus had run away with his pockets lined with money he had stolen from his master Philemon. We don’t know much about Onesimus, but it seems he used to be an ungrateful jerk.
In contrast to Onesimus, everything we know about Philemon reveals him to be a good man. In verse 1 Paul refers to Philemon as his “dear friend and fellow worker”. In verse 5 Philemon is said to have “faith in the Lord” and “love for all the saints”. Since his conversion to Christianity, seemingly at the hands of Paul himself, Philemon had become a very active member of the Colossians congregation. He opened his home for the worship services of the mission congregation and had gained a reputation among his fellow Christians as a generous, loving, and hospitable believer. (Paul closes this letter with a request to stay in Philemon’s guest room.). We get the impression from Paul that Philemon was a mature Christian gentleman. But, as you know, even mature Christian ladies and gentlemen struggle to forgive. To help his friend be more forgiving Paul gives Philemon five points to ponder. Five points that can help any Christian say, “I forgive you”.
Paul’s first point to ponder is expressed in verses 10 & 16. Paul writes “10 I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains.” Paul tells Philemon that Onesimus has changed, that he has “become my son”. In verse 16 Paul elaborates on this change telling Philemon that Onesimus is “no longer a slave, but better that a slave” that he has become a “brother in the Lord.” We don’t have to wonder what caused this change in Onesimus. It is the same thing that caused a change in you and me. Our God of grace looked with undeserved love and unmerited mercy on lost and condemned creatures like Philemon and Onesimus, like you and me and decided that He would adopt us to be His own; He decided that He would be our Father and we would be His children. Paul wants Philemon to see Onesimus not as someone who has been separated from him by sin but as someone who has been united to him by his savior. Paul encourages Philemon to look at Onesimus and see his brother in the Lord. If you are struggling to forgive a fellow Christian who has sinned against, Paul encourages you to see them as your brother or sister in the Lord and see if it doesn’t make it easier to say, “I forgive you”.
Paul’s second point to ponder is expressed in verse 12. There Paul tells Philemon “12 I am sending him—who is my very heart—back to you.” Paul was sending Onesimus back to Philemon, and Onesimus was willing to return to the master he had wronged, because both Paul and Onesimus were convinced that this was the right thing to do. Notice, Paul is not asking Philemon to grant forgiveness to a person whose sense of self guilt was nonexistent. In the gospel of Matthew Jesus tells us forgiving a person who is not sorry for their sin is like throwing “pearls to pigs”[1]. The unrepentant person does not value forgiveness and so tramples it under their feet. But Paul wants Philemon to know that is not the case here. Onesimus was sorry for his sin and wanted to make it right. The insults and injuries inflicted on us by the words or actions of others can be very painful, but when we are dealing with someone who is repentant of their sin and regrets the pain they have caused, it does make it easier to say, “I forgive you.”
Paul’s third point to ponder is expressed in verse 15. There Paul writes, “15 Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good.” Ever the optimist, Paul invites his friend Philemon to focus on the positive. Fear of punishment caused Onesimus to flee to Rome. However, while he was there, God caused Onesimus to run into the apostle Paul. God used that encounter to change Onesimus’ heart. Now Onesimus had returned to Philemon not as a dishonest slave but as a faithful servant. God had worked good for Philemon in this also. It is never God’s desire that we should be sinned against, but God can and does work in all things for the good of those who love Him. If you can focus on the positive and see the good God works for you, in even the most difficult situations, then you will find it is surprisingly easy to say, “I forgive you”.
Paul’s fourth point to ponder is helpful regardless of whether we can see the good in the situation, regardless of how repentant a person might be, regardless of how “good” of a brother or sister they might be. In verse 19 Paul reminds Philemon “you owe me your very self.” Paul very gently reminds Philemon of a debt he once owed. This debt was not one that could be repaid with gold or silver. Philemon like all of us owed a debt of sin. A debt that was scheduled to be paid with an eternity of pain and suffering in hell. But because of God’s overwhelming love for us, Jesus paid our debt on the cross. Even though we did not deserve it, Jesus canceled our debt, He forgave our sin. If you find you are still struggling to say the words “I forgive you” then perhaps it will help to think of Jesus, as He is being nailed to the cross, saying “Father forgive them” and realize Jesus wasn’t just prayer for the soldiers who held the hammers in their hands, Jesus was praying that prayer for you. Think of Jesus saying “Father forgive them” and see if that doesn’t make it easier for you to say to others, “I forgive you”.
Paul’s fifth and final point to ponder is expressed in verse 21. Paul writes, “21 Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I ask.” Paul writes of obedience. God has commanded us to forgive each other as the Lord has forgiven us. But Paul encourages his friend Philemon to see forgiveness as more than mere obedience to a command. Rather, it is an opportunity to do “more than is asked”. When a person stands before you overcome with guilt and seeking forgiveness, Paul invites you to see this as an opportunity. Forgiving others is not just an obligatory act you must reluctantly perform. It is an opportunity to express gratitude to God for the forgiveness you have received. Paul encourages us to try to think of forgiveness not as something we have to do but as something we get to do. You can show God how thankful you are for the forgiveness He has given to you by saying to others, “I forgive you”.
If you find yourself struggling to say the words “I forgive you”, pander these five points from Paul. Try seeing the person who sins against you as a brother or sister in the Lord, recognize their repentance, focus on the good God worked despite the situation, remember the forgiveness Jesus gave to you, and think of forgiving others as an opportunity to express gratitude toward God. Regularly ponder these five points and your wish to become more forgiving person will come true. May our God of grace give us all the strength to say, “I forgive you”. Amen
[1] Matthew 7:6