Today we are going to be talking about how we speak to other people. Now, as you may well imagine there are people who have dedicated themselves to the study of communication. In fact, most major universities now offer some sort of communications degree. As academics are known to do, they have classified communication styles into 4 basic categories. These categories are known by different names but basically the categories are: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. I’ll give a quick description of each so you can see what category you or the person sitting next to you fit in.
The passive communicator avoids expressing their opinions, needs or feelings. They tend to speak softly or apologetically and often have poor eye contact and slumped body posture. They say things like “You choose; anything is fine.” Passive communicators are super easy to get along with because they don’t appear to get upset even when they are ignored or taken advantage of. However, that appearance is deceiving. Often the passive communicator is unaware of it themselves, but resentment builds in them like a pressure cooker and before you know it boom not so passive anymore. If you are sitting next to a passive communicator this morning you might want to be careful.
The aggressive communicator often expresses their opinions, needs, or feelings in a verbally abusive way with little to no regard for the opinions, needs, and feelings of others. They tend to speak in loud and demanding voice and have an overbearing posture (these are the hands on the hips people). They say things like “that’s just about enough out of you!” They are poor listeners, often interrupt when other people are talking, and use sarcasm to berate and belittle people. Chances are you are not sitting next to an aggressive communicator because their behavior tends to alienate them from others.
The passive-aggressive communicator appears to be passive but is actually very aggressive. They tend to speak with voices that are as sweet as sugar, have smiles on their faces, and occupy your personal space like they are an old friend, but their message is often demeaning, undermining, or patronizing. These are the kind of people that when they give you a compliment somehow, they make you feel bad at the same time. They say things like, “You did a lot better than any of us thought you would!” These people are probably sitting behind you so that you can sit closer to the front, after all you need to hear the sermon more than they do.
Finally, the assertive communicator expresses their opinions, need, and feelings in a way that is respectful of those around them. They speak with a calm and clear tone of voice. They tend to have good eye contact and an open and relaxed posture. These people are confident and comfortable in their own skin. They are willing to put themselves out there and risk rejection. They say things like, “You messed that up, but I’m confident if you try again you will do better.” This is the type of communicator you not only want to sit next to in church but spend your free time with them as well.
Each one of us tends to have a dominate style of communication but chances are you could see yourself in each of these categories. Depending on the situation, circumstance, or audience you might find yourself using one communication style or the other.
It is important for the Christian to evaluate how they communicate with others because communicating with other people is at the very heart and core of our purpose. In our lesson from the book of Acts, Christians are instructed to “Go… and tell the people the full message of this new life.” Literally in the Greek, “Go… and speak to the people all the words of this life.” That is, tell them about the life that was lived in their place, tell them about the life that was sacrificed for their sins, tell them about the life that rose from the dead. In short, “Go… and tell people about Easter.”
Communicating the Easter message is at the very heart and core of our purpose and how we communicate that message matters. In our lesson, Peter is beautifully assertive in his communication style. In verse 29 we read, “Peter and the other apostles replied: “We must obey God rather than men!” Peter speaks with a calm and clear tone and he appears confident and comfortable as he stands before the high priest and his associates, who, by the way, were the ones who arrested Peter and locked him up in the public jail the night before. Even before this obviously hostile audience, Peter shows himself to be an excellent communicator. He firmly expresses his opinions, needs, and feelings without being rude or hurtful, demeaning or patronizing.
In verse 29, Peter shows himself to be a calm and confident communicator but he wasn’t always that way. It was not all that long ago that Peter’s communication style would be better classified as confrontational and cowardly.
Peter wasn’t always calm. Think back to the Garden of Gethsemane. Do you remember how Peter communicated with Malchus, the high priest’s servant? Jesus was having a rather important conversation with a group of men Judas had brought to the garden when Peter rudely interrupts them and cuts poor Malchus’ ear off. That’s pretty much the textbook definition of an aggressive communicator. The problem was, Peter viewed the person with whom he was engaging in conversation as an enemy. Peter’s approach was an us versus them approach. He assumed that if you did not stand with Jesus, then Jesus stood against you. As a result, Peter’s communication style was rather aggressive.
When you are talking to people about the Easter message, is your communication style aggressive? If you find yourself chopping off body parts to get your point across, chances are you are an aggressive communicator. Now, I highly doubt you have ever chopped off an ear, but what about a head? Have you ever bitten somebody’s head off? Have you ever found yourself rudely interrupting people, getting defensive with them, becoming argumentative or offensive? Have you ever berated or belittle someone because of their unbelief? If you have, the reason is likely because you see them like Peter saw them, that is you see them as enemies you have to confront.
Peter used to be aggressive when communicating with people but then Easter occurred. Easter changed the way Peter spoke to people. Take another look at verses 30-31. Peter says, “30 The God of our fathers raised Jesus from the dead—whom you had killed by hanging him on a tree. 31 God exalted him to his own right hand as Prince and Savior that he might give repentance and forgiveness of sins to Israel.” In his communications, Peter goes from confrontational to calm. Peter speaks of the “God of our fathers”. He identifies with his audience and establishes a relationship with them. Even when Peter convicts them with the full force of the law he does it respectfully. He doesn’t call them names or hurl insults at them. Instead he invites them to repent and holds out the promise of forgiveness to them.
The reason Peter changed the way he spoke to people was because of Easter. You see, after Easter, Peter’s approach was no longer an us versus them approach. He no longer falsely assumed that Jesus stood against those who stood against Him. Peter realized that the same God who had the power to rise from the dead had the power to prevent His death in the first place. Peter now understood that no one took Jesus’ life from Him, rather, Jesus gave up His life for them. Peter now understood that Jesus suffered and died not just to pay for Peter’s sins but to pay for the sins of everyone, even the sins of the people who killed Him by hanging Him on a tree. Peter now looked at the people with whom he was engaged in conversation and, much to Malchus’ relief, Peter saw people that Jesus loves and, as a result, he spoke to them accordingly.
Those are the same types of people you and I speak to. Be they a confused Catholic, or a baffled Baptists, or puzzled Pentecostal, even if they are an antagonistic atheist, or hateful hedonist, or screwed up Satanists, they are people for whom our Savior Jesus willingly gave up His life. Jesus suffered and died to pay for their sins just like He did ours. Jesus wants to be their Prince and Savior; He wants us to invite them to repent and hold out the promise of forgiveness to them. The people we speak to are people that Jesus loves and, as a result, we are to speak to them accordingly.
Because of Easter, Peter’s style of communication went from confrontational to calm. Easter also changed Peter’s communication style from cowardly to confident.
Peter did not always speak with confidence. Think back to a conversation Peter had in the high priest’s courtyard. Do you remember how Peter communicated with the little servant girl? The girl simply wanted to know if Peter was with Jesus. Peter tries to avoid the question, he just wants to be left alone, he just wants to get along with everyone and not draw attention to himself and his relationship with Jesus. However, when the girl asked the question for the third time Peter blows up and starts cursing and swearing. Peter’s passive communication with the little girl was a result of cowardice. Peter was afraid. He was afraid that if he spoke up, what had happened to Jesus was going to happen to him.
When you are talking with people about the Easter message is fear a factor? Ever stood in front of someone with a dumb smile on your face as you listen to them say something that contradicts scripture? Have you ever found yourself agreeing to disagree with that person so that you don’t make a scene? Ever justify your cowardice by telling yourself you wouldn’t say the right things anyway? Yeah, me too.
Peter used to be passive when communicating with people but then Easter occurred. Easter changed the way Peter spoke to people. Take another look at verse 32. Peter says, “We are witnesses of these things, and so is the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to those who obey him.” In his communications, Peter goes from cowardly to confident. Peter now identifies himself as a witness. The reason Peter is standing before these men is because he wouldn’t stop telling people that he was one of Jesus’ disciples. Now not only did Peter want the little servant girl to know he was with Jesus, he wanted all of Jerusalem to know it. Even though the high priest and his officials threatened him, Peter filled Jerusalem with the Easter message. Because now Peter very much wanted what had happened to Jesus to happen to him.
The reason Peter changed the way he spoke to people was Easter. Easter’s empty tomb showed Peter that he had nothing to be afraid of. It convinced Peter that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, neither any powers nor little servant girls could separate Peter from the love of God. The empty tomb filled Peter with confidence.
By the grace of God, what happened to Jesus will happen to you. One day you will rise from the dead. One day your tomb will be empty. Neither the threats of death nor death threats can harm you. There is no reason for you to be afraid of servant girls or high priests. Nothing can separate you from the love of your God. Peter filled Jerusalem with the Easter message, let us fill Johns Creek. Let us be found in the class rooms, conference rooms, and community centers teaching the people. Let us make sure that the littlest girl and the most powerful person know that we are with Jesus.
Easter changed the way Peter spoke to people, it changed him from a confrontational and cowardly communicator into a calm and confident communicator. My prayer is that Easter do the same for us. As we go and tell people the full message of this new life may we go calmly and confident. Amen.